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and i have always weve been friends for five years, good, good friends had lots of conversations. and i have to say that talking to you, has sort of set me on this emotional journey, right where ive been like, no, i dont want to believe that because believing that means giving up. and i am not at you know, the goal weight that i you know, want to be at or whatever it is. and of course that goal weight, by the way is like ive gained and lost 30 pounds, probably five or six times in my life, right probably didnt, you know, gain 30 pounds but gained a bunch of weight in in high school and then lost it and then gained weight in my early 20s when i lived on my own and was working and then lost it and then gained weight before my wedding and then like dropped 35 pounds for my wedding and then gained weight with each kid and lost it. and also i lost weight and early sobriety i was also doing all the workouts and all the things though in my mind my you know, ideal setpoint weight or the weight i want to be is of course when i was 27 years old and lost all the weight before my wedding and im 45 and so you know of like, when you were telling me this i was like, okay, intellectually i believe it because it fucking makes sense. right but no, if i do a, im giving up, right im giving up and you know, giving up on being that weight again. and thats what i see in the magazines and thats what i think is right and you know it takes up so much headspace so i have to say that, you know, i admitted before we had this call that im not totally there yet. like im still in the matrix in being like yes, yes, yes. oh wait and no like, i dont want this to be true, and theres so much more there, but im just in case youre listening to this and youre like, fuck no. thats okay. right like, thats okay. thats what were wrapping our head around. 42d8ba546e1